Re-Compose your Daily Rhythms
I talk rhythm a lot, but to be honest, my rhythms have been trash. I sleep 9+ hours, don't answer emails or face the big to-do list, drag my feet to work (that I actually like), eat too late or eat out (again), think about cleaning then don’t, nap, pace around, scroll, drink, smoke, you get the picture. Whether you’re thinking “Mele, you okay??” or “girl, same,” I’m sure you can connect on some level. On top of these personal rhythm problems, look at our world. You’ve read about it already, I’m sure, but living through tragic, historical events this often has collectively wrecked our nervous systems. Yet, we still gotta live. Go to work, take care of the kids or pets (and yourself!!), create & love & be joyful because you’re human. Also deal with other human things like personal losses & grief, financial stress, interpersonal or family conflicts, chronic pain/illness/health hardship, etc you get the point.
Oh, btw, this blog post can’t fix all of this. Think of this as more like: “hey I’m with ya, here are some things I’ve learned from life+work, and let's do this together?”
What is a Rhythm?
Merriam Webster (lol sorry I had to) says:
an ordered recurrent alternation of strong and weak elements in the flow of sound and silence in speech
movement, fluctuation, or variation marked by the regular recurrence or natural flow of related elements
We all have our own connotative definition of a rhythm. Many may think of music or dancing. David Grannum (@davidgrannum) has drawn a connection that your beating heart is a biological inheritance of innate rhythm. I like to think of the “flow state” as a rhythm, when your creative, intellectual, or physical skills are deliciously challenged & stimulated that you lose yourself to time. I feel a rhythm when I swim, when I pet my perfect cat, Momi, when I breathe, when I play with my perfect nephew, Taiki, washing dishes, putting things away (things always need to be put away at home) - there’s rhythm in everything I do. There are activities in life that I WISH had a rhythm I liked. I swear the rhythm of cleaning the bathroom sounds like Jessie J’s BBC live performance of Pricetag. Cleaning the bathroom sucks and just starting the task feels insurmountable sometimes. The Jessie J thing was a joke, because now that I'm thinking about it, it’s a piece of art that I am so grateful to have seen. She sends that shit, you have to respect that. Also, Jessie J is a talented singer, I stand by that. That performance was practiced, it had a purpose, who am I to judge? Also, I rewatched the performance after writing that “joke” and it’s a great time - energy, drama, riffs. So I take back my joke because the analogy is invalid.
I digress. My point is that we all have rhythms in our lives, overlapping into a beautiful lil cacophony. Some rhythms are easier to find and follow than others.
Our rhythms are formed in a multitude of ways. From Nature: for one, the Moon has been fucking with me too much recently. But most quantifiable is the Sun’s rising & setting and its effects on our circadian rhythm, or our waking-sleeping cycle. Our daily rhythms are influenced by other factors, as well, like work hours, social life, leisure & activity preferences, and cultural/familial/societal roles & expectations.
If our circadian rhythms are disrupted, it can alter our physiological states. Idk about you, but jet lag isn’t cute on me. We're talking hot girl (tummy) problems, tension in my back & hips, fatigue, and l’m low key depressed for a few days after a trip (short or long).
Not only circadian, but if any rhythm is disrupted, our bodies & behaviors will respond in the best way it knows. Think of having a conflict with a family member or partner: though the conversation is over, ruminating on it acts the same on the nervous system as the actual argument, or it feels like all the energy got drained from my body from just an hour conversation. I was planning to cook dinner but my tummy hurts, maybe I’ll skip it. I canceled plans with a friend. I sleep poorly and now my brain is running slow at work.
Social, emotional, or physical disruption and the subsequent physiological disruption varies in intensity, length, and manifestation between people and even within yourself. I invite you to reflect on a recent rhythm disruption, what did you physically and emotionally experience in the hours or days following? How did you re-center?
Singular rhythm disruptions are inevitable for everyone - that’s life, babe. However, some of us fragile types may be experiencing chronic arrhythmia in our daily lives. Btw, when I call us “fragile,” I mean any of us who are susceptible to exaggerated physiological disruption, i.e. burnt out, neurodivergent/neurospicy, depressed/anxious, chronically ill/in pain, or historically oppressed folks. As mentioned before, our daily intake of geopolitical & social dysregulation & fear will take a toll on our rhythms in some form or another.
Chronic arrhythmia (this is a term I made up for this blog) can express itself with poor initiation or follow-through of daily, required tasks; high state of dysregulation during activities that shouldn’t inherently trigger that response; or your classic fight-flight-freeze behaviors during normal, innocuous activities. Subsequently, the cycle of dysregulation pulls us deeper into a state of arrhythmia, eventually blurring or numbing our connection to our healthy, intuitive, and manageable rhythms.
Okay, what should we do??
First, in a very Yogic way, we have to acknowledge and accept this. Reflect, observe, place no judgment on your rhythms. Gather information. EASIER SAID THAN DONE, right? I have found in myself & clients, this first step is the most difficult because during observation our immediate reflex is to judge, interpret, or attempt to problem solve our way out. Without practice, this reflex will almost always dysregulate us. Instead, use all the tools at your disposal to manage this journey of self-reflection. Talk to your therapist, gather reasonable tips on Instagram, journal, breathe, practice catharsis, be angry, allow yourself to grieve your lost, healthy self.
I’ll use myself as a case study. As a fragile girlie, often disrupted rhythms are my home tasks (your girl is messy!). I walk into the kitchen, see ALL of the tasks (washing, drying, putting away dishes, wiping surfaces, clearing old food, sweep the floor, then do it all over again after I cook) and get immediately overwhelmed. I’m an avoider through and through, so it can easily become a larger problem the longer I put it off.
Here’s what my OT brain thinks:
Start with regulation. This chore doesn’t have to be a punishment. You’re allowed to express your discomfort, you’re not a failure for having negative feelings, but how can I show up without immediately quitting or shutting down? Put on some music and incense, dance for my cat, game-ify the cleanup, call a friend, do 10 pushups, or hype yourself up in the mirror - how do you create motivation?
Like eating an elephant, take it bite by bite. Just start on the task. I read (watched a TikTok) that it takes 23 minutes for your attention to fully lock into a task. Give yourself a few moments to find a flow. You might have to re-parent or, at least, coach & encourage yourself in that process.
Conserve your energy. Let go of the idea that everything needs to be done perfectly and now. Urgency is the language of a productivity-based system. We’re teaching our nervous systems it's okay to move at our pace, our rhythm.
If you don’t feel mastery, gain it! While I wash dishes, I’m pulling from my internal archive of rehab & fitness tips to ensure proper posture so my back doesn’t explode at the end of the activity. I love a good system- my mom taught me to clean as you go while you cook and it makes the world of difference. Feeling like an imposter with a work task? Find a mentor, watch a YouTube video, fail & try again. Interpersonal conflict is a too-common occurrence? Explore therapy, podcasts, reading, or conversation to better manage and balance interpersonal stress. We, unfortunately, can’t be passive participants in life (I mean you can try, but good luck, babe).
Modify your environment for future success. Organize your personal systems to work for you. Make your living environment convenient, accessible, and conducive to your personality, preferences, and physical & emotional rhythms. Set boundaries, time limits, create visual cues, reduce physical & mental clutter, advocate for policy change, the list goes on.
Consider communal support! Normalize inviting your friend over when folding laundry (and consider helping them with their stuff too) - more hands = less work! I often dream of starting local consultation groups for wellness/healthcare entrepreneurs. Let your people in on your rhythms, I’m sure most of your community will support your needs & goals! Individualism is a difficult ethic to unlearn.
Rinse & repeat. Over and over again.
That last bullet point refers to a tried & true lifestyle & behavioral approach: small, actionable steps repeated over time will build natural and well-aligned habits & routines. We can build momentum. Which builds redundancy. Which leads to a sense of mastery and confidence. Which creates a natural, consistent rhythm.
Let’s return to this definition of a rhythm: “an ordered recurrent alternation of strong and weak elements in the flow of sound and silence in speech.” I invite you to embrace the ups and downs of your rhythms. The darker, the imperfect, the messy, the frustrating rhythms. It’s still a part of us. I aim to not demonize these parts of myself, but I certainly don’t want these disruptions to dictate my flow. The practice is one of trust & relationship with the strong and weak elements of our rhythms, and with support & tools we can experience joyful flow in all of our rhythms. I promise I’ll keep trying with you!
